This lesson on Wondering Affections was delivered by Reverend J.S. Msane in a father’s fellowship service in Mbabane at the Evangelical Church. Below are interesting facts that married man should watch out for if they will survive ‘Wondering Affections’.
The Pastor listed 3 elements that are a challenge for every man; glory (pride), gold (money) and girls (woman). These three challenges affect all man, in the Christian faith and everywhere else. Research has confirmed that all three challenges affect man the same, none seems to be superior to the other. The Bible records a number of victims of these three challenges. Samson is one who was too proud to listen to what his parents were saying about his relationship with Delilah. For Samson, the start was ‘Glory’ or pride, and then it was ‘Girls’.
However, the lesson was based on the third listed challenge ‘Girls’. The starting point would be to define the phrase ‘Wondering affections’. Even though the Pastor’s definition is not exhaustive, he picked three points that define the phrase:
- Having sexual contact with another woman while in an exclusive commitment with your wife. Sexual contact may not necessarily mean sexual intercourse but romance and other forms of contact.
- It is cheating. This is bluntly put as leaving your wife to have sexual intercourse with another woman.
- Dating other woman other than your wife. Dating in itself is circular as opposed to courtship, which is Biblical. Dating involves a number of expected activities which includes kissing and fondling. It’s strange that some man choose other woman for a date than the woman they married.
This lesson is practical because man struggle with woman. Stories of Christian man having affections for other woman are the order of the day.
People have their reasons to do this unwanted practice and the following have been given:
- Lack of affection from the rightful wife. This is a claim and not a genuine reason because such a reason is not justifiable. No such reason justifies for a man to wonder about with other woman. If woman were to give the same reason for cheating, hardly any man would accept this reason. Summarily, this reason comes from lack of respect. If you resect God, your church, your profession, yourself, your kids and your partner, you would not wonder about with other woman. Men that cheat forgo respect from society.
- The sinful nature of humans. Gal 5:6; James 1:14 – 15. From this portion of Scripture, it is clear that lust leads to this behaviour and it is a sin.
- The habit of talking to other woman other than your wife on love issues. This may even lead to exposing weaknesses of your wife to other woman.
- Sickness, particularly if the wife is sick. Sometimes doctors may restrict couples from having sex because of sickness. People / wives can be sick for long a long time sometimes. It could be months or even some years.
- Childlessness. The African family set up promotes wondering affections because they are willing to offer a supplementary woman (inhlanti in SiSwati) to bare children for the household.
- Child birth. Medically, sexual intercourse is restricted after child birth. Some man may find the six weeks waiting period a really long time not to have sex with their wives.
- Sudden success. A quick turn to financial freedom may attract woman and even stir one’s sexual appetite. On another note, such behaviour ‘womanizing’ may lead to sudden lose of whatever success one may have achieved. Therefore, men must be careful.
- Long separation for various reasons such as work, education, etc. A good practice is to live with your partner at all times. If you migrate, take your family with you.
- Lust. You can stir lust from watching unclean movies, watching naked woman on the internet, dirty magazines, etc. Such practice increases sexual pressure which may even make one not to be satisfied sexually with the wife.
- Importance. This may happen with both man and woman, yet it is common with man. If for any health reasons a wife ends up having poor sexual appetite, the men may find it tough to deal with such a situation.
Man should be careful not to nurture relationships outside their family relationships. This calls for sound behaviour and awareness of funny attraction to other woman. If for any reason you find yourself in a relationship, the following can help you break the relationship:
- Decide to break the relationship.
- Avoid frequent contacts with other woman.
- Pray to God to help you live up to your decision of breaking the relationship.
You may be living a life of ‘Wondering Affections’ and you know it. However, such practice is not expected from a married man that professes Christianity. If for any reason a man finds himself involved in any like manner, they should cease such practice and if it calls for further assistance, counselling is advised. Counselling may not only be sought from professionals, but friends and fellow Christians can give such counselling freely and friendlier sometimes.
The next article will highlight some consequences of victims to ‘Wondering Affections’.